The Journey Forward
Uncovering the Lie
Coming out of abuse is rarely clean or quick. It’s often layered with fear, doubt, and silence. One of the most toxic companions in the aftermath is shame. We don’t always recognize it right away—it hides in the hesitation to speak, the fear of being judged, and the haunting question: What if they blame me?
Shame Silences
I remember that question well.
I didn’t tell anyone my husband was abusing us until I was ready to leave. I thought I’d be judged for getting a divorce. I was terrified people wouldn’t understand the psychological toll of verbal abuse or the way narcissistic manipulation had twisted my own thoughts. Every word I spoke felt like it could be turned against me. When someone degrades you long enough, it changes how you see yourself.
Years earlier, after surviving a brutal rape, I was met not with support, but blame. A friend told me it was my fault. That one moment silenced me for a long time. I couldn’t share my story. I could barely face myself.
Healing Begins When We Break The Silence
According to the L3 Recovery Workbook (2024, The Beat Church), shame is the internal belief that I am wrong, not just that I’ve done something wrong. It leads us to hide—ourselves, our stories, our pain. This type of toxic shame is distinct from healthy guilt, which helps us grow. Shame isolates. It convinces us we’re unworthy of love or belonging.
Celestia G. Tracy, in Mending the Soul (2012), explains how shame becomes deeply embedded, especially in survivors of abuse. She notes that abusers often intentionally manipulate victims into believing they are to blame. This tactic not only maintains control but ensures silence. Victims internalize the lie that they deserved what happened—or at least, caused it in some way. And when that belief goes unchallenged, it festers.
But here’s what I need you to hear:
You are not to blame. You have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
What happened to you is not your fault. Whether it was abuse, neglect, betrayal, or assault—none of it disqualifies you from love, dignity, or healing. Shame will try to make you forget that. But the truth is, God still sees you, still wants you, and still calls you His.
“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance…” – Isaiah 61:7 (NIV)
That verse isn’t just hope—it’s a promise.
If you’re struggling with shame, consider asking yourself:
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Where did I learn to believe I was at fault?
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Who benefits from me staying silent?
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What truths has God spoken about my worth that contradict the shame I feel?
These aren’t easy questions, and they aren’t meant to be answered in a day. But they open the door to healing. To understanding. To reclaiming your story.
If shame has been your shadow, I want to tell you: it doesn’t have to follow you forever. There is light. There is truth. And you are not alone.
I encourage you to spend some time journaling and praying about how you feel.
Until Next Time,
Brooke
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References
The Beat Church. (2024). L3 Recovery Workbook. The Beat Church.
Tracy, C. G. (2012). Mending the soul workbook: A guided personal study and support group curriculum for those impacted by abuse. Mending the Soul Ministries, Inc.